In an effort to increase the popularity of hockey in the United States, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman announced today the elimination of the league’s regular season.

(image: Pressens Bild via SVT)

“We’ve done some core marketing research and discovered that our fans, who we acknowledge to be among the best in the world, are telling us they enjoy watching playoff hockey. The hitting is better, the pace is better, the excitement is better. We’ve decided that the best plan for the new NHL is to listen to our fans.”

The new proposal outlined by Bettman would see the 82-game regular season replaced with an 82-game playoffs. After the playoffs, the top 8 teams in each conference would be invited to a special, “New Playoffs,” consisting of a best-of-seven single elimination tournament. The winner of the “New Playoffs” would be awarded the Stanley Cup.

“Admittedly,” said Bettman, “most of our fans would see no difference. That’s why they’re the best fans in the world. But our shareholders and I see an opportunity to attract a new kind of fan to a new kind of hockey. I am really excited.”

Although hockey has seen an increase in its American fanbase, and an increase in television viewership in Canada, it still trails Football, Baseball, Basketball, NASCAR, Arena League Football, NCAA Collegiate Sports, Soccer, Swimming, Cycling, and Parasailing.

In related news, Colin Campbell, NHL disciplinarian and Director of Hockey Operations, suspended Anaheim Ducks right winger George Parros for his “unnecessary” actions Saturday night against the St Louis Blues.

“While such antics may have been popular in the past, in the new NHL we won’t tolerate such unbridled use of facial hair.”

(image: AP Photo/Bill Boyce)

Happy April Fools Day.