It is no surprise that Phoenician-San Antonionian relations are at an all time low. After reviewing Bruce Bowen’s third-quarter knee to the groin of the Suns’ Steve Nash in Game 3 on Saturday, NBA vice president of basketball operations Stu Jackson upgraded the foul call on Bowen to a “bootable offence.” The foul carries no suspension.

NBA commissioner David Stern agreed that a mere public apology would be a bit empty. “As a sign of good faith to our NBA fans in Phoenix and beyond, Bruce Bowen will receive a swift boot to the behind. We hope this will quiet the tension between the two well-respected franchises.”

When asked what kind of a sick league would kick someone with a giant boot, commissioner Stern quickly replied: “Shush. Disparaging the boot is a bootable offence. It’s one of our proudest traditions.”

Bowen has come under fire in this series, which the Spurs lead two games to one, for his aggressive play. “Oh, he’ll agitate you. Ho, ho! He sure will,” said Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich.